


All I Want For Christmas Is... Booze

by starfishdancer



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Crack, Daisy Johnson's Sass, Darcy's Sass Too, Female Friendship, Girls' Night Out, Hella Flirting, Humor, Multi, Probably Too Much Alcohol But in a Fun Way, ShieldShock - Freeform, pre-relationships, winterbiochemist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28318737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starfishdancer/pseuds/starfishdancer
Summary: Daisy and Jemma join Darcy and Jane's Girls Night Out.
Relationships: Darcy Lewis/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Jemma Simmons, Jane Foster/Thor, Wanda Maximoff/Skye | Daisy Johnson
Comments: 9
Kudos: 72





	All I Want For Christmas Is... Booze

**Author's Note:**

> A little while back, perhaps because the presents I'd started wrapping had exploded over my living room, a single sentence of hilarious popped into my head. I messaged Dresupi about it with a "I don't know where this came from, but... there's something." This ended up with some great back and forth and encouragement (because Dresupi Is A Gift) and... this little bit of Christmas Crack (and not the sweet my mom had me try last night) was born.
> 
> Many thanks to Dresupi for the edits, for coming up with some of the "codenames", for the killer title suggestion, and for just being awesome. (Seriously, check out her work, you won't be sorry.)

Darcy’s phone vibrated on the bar table, and she silently sent up another thank you that Tony had tinkered with it, and without wrecking it, to get it up a notch so that she didn’t miss it. A quick look at her texts had her glancing up and around until she spotted the texter in question, one Daisy Johnson, who was hovering near the door next to the friend she’s said she was bringing along to girls night. Darcy stood up and waved the other woman over, moving around the other side of the booth to slide in next to Jane.

It was going to be a small group that night, with the Avengers still on their way back from their last mission and the Av-filiates, as she’d coined Maria and Helen and some of the other SHIELD peeps who sometimes tagged along, having made other plans before Jane had suggested the impromptu escape from the lab. It was so unlike her that Darcy had been alarmed at first, but Jane isn’t sick and hasn’t been replaced by a pod person; it turns out her machines need to calibrate overnight and, since the Thunder She Sleeps Under is still out doing his thing, drinks and dancing with the dames was the next best thing.

“Hey Darcy,” Daisy says, dropping into a seat and pulling her friend down next to her. “Doctor Foster. This is my friend Jemma. Don’t worry, she might seem shy now but she’ll loosen up after a shot or two!”

“Really, Daisy,” the friend in question says with an adorable British accent, shaking her head and frowning and somehow managing to make it look fond.

“Dude, call her Jane,” Darcy says, waving to flag a waiter down. “This bar might be called Laboratory, but the only test tubes are the Santa’s Panties shots I’mma get for the table.”

“Jane it is,” Daisy says as the woman in question nods. Introductions out of the way, they drift into small talk once the waitress runs off to get their drinks.

“That was fast,” Jemma says, blinking in surprise when the drinks arrive in short order, a flight of tubes and the cocktails they’d each chosen. 

“Perks of being friends with Stark,” Jane says, knocking hers back, then the rest of them follow. “He’s part-owner and we’ve come here with him enough that we get the VIP treatment even when he’s off Iron-manning.”

“Nice,” Daisy says.

“Speaking of off Iron-manning,” Darcy says, turning to Daisy, “why aren’t you off shaking things up? Don’t you usually superhero?”

Daisy grimaces, then sighs. “I got a little bit shot last mission, and even though Helen put me in the cradle and I’m totally fine, cross my heart, the Captain has this rule that no one who isn’t enhanced with super-healing goes out until you clear a full medical, and mine’s not until tomorrow.”

“Yeah, Stockings is a real stickler for the rules,” Darcy says. 

“Stockings?” Jemma says, wrinkling her nose in confusion.

“The Captain,” Darcy supplies as Jane snickers. “We call him Stockings because he’s HUNG.”

Jemma’s mouth drops open, and Daisy sputters and chokes on her drink. Jemma helpfully pats her on the back until she stops coughing.

“Oh my GAWD,” she finally says.

“Yeah,” Darcy says, grinning cheekily. “There was an incident in the lab a few weeks ago and his clothes just basically melted off in the decontamination shower.”

“That was a very good Tuesday,” Jane says. 

“Definitely not packing a test tube, if you know what I mean,” Darcy quips, gesturing to give the others an idea of what exactly the Man with a Plan was packing.

“Impressive,” Jemma says faintly.

“Very,” Darcy snickers. “And hey, the codename is seasonal, so…. Plus, it’s really funny to call him that to his face. He has no idea why.”

“His face does this thing, and it’s hilarious,” Jane adds.

“Do you have seasonal nicknames for the others? The Avengers, I mean?”

“Not yet,” Darcy says slowly. Then she smiles wickedly at Daisy’s friend, who might just have stumbled on her most genius idea to date, whatever else the good doc’s SHIELD file might say otherwise. “But ladies… I think we can come up with a few over another round or two of shots, don’t you?”

The debate from there is both heated and hilarious, and Darcy’s gladder than ever to have invited Daisy and her friend to join them. Jemma’s word association is way helpful, and Daisy’s got a killer sense of humor.

Jane comes up with “Eggnog” for Stark, because, as she puts it, “there’s probably rum in there somewhere.” Clint becomes Plum Pudding since, at some point or other, he _will_ be on fire. They decide that Thor can be Sugar Cookie, since he’s super sweet and also Jane’s favorite.

Bruce is difficult because he still keeps to himself, but after shot number four, they land on Holly. 

“After all, it’s green,” Jane says.

“And he’s got some big old berries he seems to think are poisonous,” Daisy adds, winking. At least that’s what Darcy thinks she’s trying to do.

“Helen’s working on an antidote,” Jane says, then shushes herself loudly.

“What about Loki?” Jemma asks. 

“He doesn’t get a nice one,” Jane says, slapping her hand on the table. “He was mean!”

“He hasn’t earned it yet,” Darcy supplies. “And also he drank the last of the coffee and didn’t make a new pot yesterday, and Jane and I had to go without for like an hour.”

“Rude!” Jemma says. 

“Krampus!” Daisy says, gesturing. “Because of the horns! And also it sounds like cramps.”

“Cramps suck,” Jemma nods.

“Loki sucks,” Jane says, glaring. “Yes. That’s the one.”

“What about Bucky?” Darcy cuts in before Jane can go down the grumbling rabbit hole, especially since they’ve already decided to forgive him next week since he did have Starbucks delivered as an apology for the last few days.

Daisy picks up her cocktail, looking over it slyly at her friend as she takes a sip. “Polar Express. Because Jemma wants him to rail her.”

Darcy cackles as Jemma’s mouth drops, and it takes her a full three seconds before she’s slapping at Daisy’s arm. “You prat, I told you that _in confidence.”_

“Yeah,” Daisy says. “And I’m _confident_ that since I shared with our friends, here, I might get some help and maybe get you laid by New Year’s.”

“You.” Darcy points at her, “I knew I liked you.”

After some ribbing, they finally let Jemma off the hook – though Darcy does file the information away since she’s pretty sure Bucky would definitely be up for rocking the cute Brit’s world in half a heartbeat. They flag down more drinks and head to the dancefloor for a bit, ignoring a few idiots who try to hone in on the fun in favor of tossing ideas back and forth. Sam ends up as Partridge since it’s a Christmas bird. Jane wanted Turtle Dove, but Daisy had vetoed it since it was too close to Ninja Turtles, and that wasn’t Christmassy enough. Darcy’s not sure it tracks, but she’s had enough rum by that point she can’t refute it. Pepper leads to spices which leads to Mulled Wine, and after some flailing about, they settle on Tinsel for Pietro, since it’s silver and gets around everywhere. Not that any of his many bedmates were left with any complaints.

“What about Natasha?” Daisy throws out as they head back to their table. 

“Yes, what about Natasha?” The woman herself says, appearing seemingly out of nowhere. 

“Holy crap,” Daisy says, clutching at her heart.

“Hey, you’re back!” Darcy says. “When did you get back?”

“A few minutes ago,” she says, tilting her head towards a door near where the bartender is pouring their drinks. “Stark’s got the back room if you want to join us. He’s already transferred your tab.”

“Nice,” Daisy says.

“So… what about Natasha?”

Darcy has no idea how Nat does it because as expressionlessly as she says it, it still comes out vaguely like a threat.

“Nuh-uh, no silly Codename for you,” Daisy says. “We aren’t that dumb.”

Jane and Jemma nod vigorously. “Too scary,” Jane mouths at Darcy. Nat’s mouth twitches slightly, and then she’s turning and they’re following her into the room Stark has set aside. 

No one’s worse for wear, Darcy’s thankful to see. Clint has a black eye blooming, but it turns out it was from the champagne he’d popped wrong.

“Plum Pudding,” the four of them chorus, before breaking into giggles.

“Everyone’s here!” Jane says, throwing herself into Thor’s embrace and glaring at Loki. “Hi, Sugar Cookie! Did you have to bring Krampus?”

“I thought you had forgiven my brother for the coffee incident?” Thor says, wisely ignoring the nickname. 

“Not until next week,” she replies. “More coffee first.”

“Ah,” he says.

“Krampus?” Loki says. “Did you call me _…Krampus_?”

“Yes she did because you suck horns,” Daisy says. “No… that’s not it. What was it again?”

Jemma wrinkles her brow and Darcy just shrugs. Loki looks offended.

“I love it,” Stark says.

“It’s bad enough you call me Reindeer Games, is it not, Stark?”

“Nah, I like this better,” Stark says, tapping his watch. “FRIDAY, replace instances of Reindeer Games with Krampus.”

Loki looks like he’s about to protest, but then just sighs. Thor hands him a drink sympathetically.

“And you,” Daisy says, sidling up to Wanda and doing that funny wink thing again. “We didn’t get to you yet, but you must be Angel. You can top my tree any time if you know what I mean.”

“She can read your mind, so she definitely knows what you mean,” Pepper supplies dryly. 

“And while I might be amenable to the idea,” Wanda says, amused, “perhaps it’s a better idea when you’re more sober, yes?”

“Daisy,” Jemma whispers a little too loudly. “Can you please stop making the room go all quaky?”

“Oh sorry,” Daisy says, even though the room is actually still, and then the room actually shakes a little. “Did that turn it off?”

“Ooookay, ladies,” Pepper steps in. “No more tequila for you. Or champagne either, Tony, really, that’s not helpful.” She bats away the drink he’s holding out, then asks the waitress to bring them water.

“I think I’d best go home,” Jemma says. “I think I’m more bevvied than I thought. Thinked? Thought.”

“Me too,” Daisy says.

“I’m pretty tired, anyway,” Sam says. “Why don’t I see you ladies back to the tower, get you set up with some water and Advil for tomorrow?”

Wanda, with an arched glance at Daisy, determines she’ll make her way back as well, noting she’d like to hear more about what conversations she might revisit when certain parties can walk in a straight line again.

“Lady Jane and I will be returning as well,” Thor says. “Perhaps we can walk together, and then I shall prepare an Asgardian potion that will be most helpful for tomorrow.”

“You really are a god,” Daisy says gratefully.

“This is why you’re a sugar cookie,” Jane adds. “You coming, Darcy?”

“I’m good for a while yet, so long as I switch to water,” Darcy says. “Unless you want this to be just an Avengers thing?”

“Please stay,” Natasha says. “Pepper and I can’t be the only ones rounding out the testosterone.”

The others say their goodbyes, and Darcy slides into the empty chair between Polar Express and Stockings, taking the glass of water the latter offers gratefully.

“So just so you know,” she says to Bucky, hiding a grin behind a swig. “The cute British scientist you’ve been mooning over?” She cuts him off as he protests her use of mooning, waving it off even as Steve mutters “it’s totally mooning, ya jerk” loud enough that neither of them can miss it. 

“Anyway, she’s totes up for being over you. Or under you. Or whatever direction floats both of your boats and whatnot. So… go get yours so the gal can get hers. Preferably before New Year’s. Are you catching what I’m dropping down?”

“I… think so?” Bucky says. “To be honest, I feel like I’m missing half a conversation here. And I’m not sure how much is modern idioms and how much is the tequila talking.”

“Rum, actually,” Darcy says. “I think so. I’m not sure what’s in Santa’s Panties.”

Steve just reaches behind him to pat his buddy on the back. “I think we all know, drinks or no drinks what it boils down to is you getting off your ass and asking a dame out already.”

“Yes!” Darcy says. “Thank you, Stockings.”

Steve sighs as Bucky smirks at him, before turning back to his own drink thoughtfully enough Darcy’s pretty sure her new friend is going to be getting lucky sooner rather than later. 

“Stockings,” Steve says finally. “I’m guessing this has something to do with the little Christmas nicknames-“

“Codenames,” Darcy says helpfully.

“Codenames, then, you ladies seem to have come up with. But… why Stockings?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Darcy says.

“Yes, that’s why I asked.”

“Huh, fair.” Darcy takes another long pull of the water. “Well, tough titties. I’m not telling. Even if it means I’m on the naughty list.”

“Oh, you’re definitely on the naughty list. And I have ways of making you talk,” Steve says, leaning over her in a way that seems more flirty than menacing, and she raises her eyebrows.

“Are you flirting with me, Stockings?” she asks, still just bold enough from the drinks that she doesn’t beat around the proverbial bush.

“Maybe…” he says. “What would you say if I was?”

“I’d say that sounds like a fun Friday night,” she shoots back. “And maybe Saturday morning, if you stay on the nice list.”

“I can be very, very nice,” Steve says. “Pick you up on Friday at seven?”

“Sure,” Darcy says, taking another sip of her drink to hide the pounding in her ears. Did she just accept a date with _Captain America?_

(And maybe they’re both Stockings or Santa, she giggles to herself later. Because while he may be hung, she’s the one who’s stuffed, and they both DEFINITELY came at Christmas.)

**Author's Note:**

> .... In case you were wondering, the sentence that came out of nowhere was "We call him Stockings because he's HUNG." Seriously, I don't even have my stocking at home (it's at my parents) and yet... Brains are weird and awesome.
> 
> Anyway, happy holidays, hope you are staying safe, and as ever, you're always welcome to come say hello on Tumblr, where I'm @thestarfishdancer! :)


End file.
